To that distant collection of my worst fears, pain, and sorrow: 

Do you really want to hear this? 

Yes….. 

OK…  You’re born a little baby boy or girl.  And you’re born into this world and all of your days – before you even know what the hell is going on – you see that you have these giant omniscient creatures hovering over you, watching over you, making sure you’re – that you’re ok.  Uh huh.  What kind of creatures? 

Your parents.  Your parents are watching over you.  But you don’t know who or what they are because you’re a baby.  But you know that these creatures – these – these huge creatures care about you, and protect you from all the pain and bad.  Right?  Oh!  And you like it.  Right?  It feels good.  Someone watching out for you.  You’re safe. 

But then what happens?  You grow up.  You become aware.  You start putting two and two together.  And the first two and two you put together is that your parents are just a couple of – couple of whatever things?  Just people.  They’re just as scared and confused and lost in the world as you.  No smarter.  No better.  They drink and smoke.  They cheat and lie. 

The thing is you grow up and you realize that these omniscient creatures that watched over you and protected you are, for the lack of a better word – useless, right? 

Oh, but there’s no time to fret about it, because at that moment they sit you down and go:  “Don’t worry about anything – because God is here.”  And you ask:  “God?”  And they say: “God is this humongous being in the sky who is sitting on a cloud and - and watching over you and everything is going to be alright.” 

And you say, “Whew, because for a second there I was really worried.”  So, you get it?  It’s – it’s like this mass hypnosis.  It’s a con.  We so badly need something to replace those omniscient creatures our parents who were watching over us ever since we were babies… and we have it – God.  It’s God -- everyone’s big ass imaginary friend. 

The punch line is that there is no God.   For many of us, we get to that point of our lives where no one will come to help and save us.  There are no reinforcements, no birthday candles, and never a ladder to pull us up. 

But… but there is a backdoor – a swift, quick exit.  It is a gateway that separates our abilities to feel and our release of this prison we’re in.  It is a backdoor that demons, angels, and cowards use.  It is the one way to exit this world without the inconvenience of our burdens.  And its name is suicide.

-Short excerpt written in 2001