xXDC_luyouXx's Datingish

The End of the World

Wed, 03 Mar 2010 17:30:41 GMT

To that distant collection of my worst fears, pain, and sorrow:

Do you really want to hear this?

Yes…..

OK… You’re born a little baby boy or girl. And you’re born into this world and all of your days – before you even know what the hell is going on – you see that you have these giant omniscient creatures hovering over you, watching over you, making sure you’re – that you’re ok. Uh huh. What kind of creatures?

Your parents. Your parents are watching over you. But you don’t know who or what they are because you’re a baby. But you know that these creatures – these – these huge creatures care about you, and protect you from all the pain and bad. Right? Oh! And you like it. Right? It feels good. Someone watching out for you. You’re safe.

But then what happens? You grow up. You become aware. You start putting two and two together. And the first two and two you put together is that your parents are just a couple of – couple of whatever things? Just people. They’re just as scared and confused and lost in the world as you. No smarter. No better. They drink and smoke. They cheat and lie.

The thing is you grow up and you realize that these omniscient creatures that watched over you and protected you are, for the lack of a better word – useless, right?

Oh, but there’s no time to fret about it, because at that moment they sit you down and go: “Don’t worry about anything – because God is here.” And you ask: “God?” And they say: “God is this humongous being in the sky who is sitting on a cloud and - and watching over you and everything is going to be alright.”

And you say, “Whew, because for a second there I was really worried.” So, you get it? It’s – it’s like this mass hypnosis. It’s a con. We so badly need something to replace those omniscient creatures our parents who were watching over us ever since we were babies… and we have it – God. It’s God -- everyone’s big ass imaginary friend.

The punch line is that there is no God. For many of us, we get to that point of our lives where no one will come to help and save us. There are no reinforcements, no birthday candles, and never a ladder to pull us up.

But… but there is a backdoor – a swift, quick exit. It is a gateway that separates our abilities to feel and our release of this prison we’re in. It is a backdoor that demons, angels, and cowards use. It is the one way to exit this world without the inconvenience of our burdens. And its name is suicide.

-Short excerpt written in 2001

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Wed, 17 Feb 2010 12:58:33 GMT

Heroic Moments in Love

Wed, 17 Feb 2010 00:15:27 GMT

Over Valentine's Day, my friends and I reminisced about many of our most cherished relationship moments while we had hotpot, drank sake, and watched the Winter Olympics.

My best memory is of my first girlfriend in college. She was a music major who specialized in playing the piano. I use to sit with her while she practiced pieces she needed to play at her recitals. She was one of the few people who I can truly appreciate since she was a “bad influence” on me by teaching me to party, drink and to be who I truly am on the inside – and that is I’m bornnn to be wiiiild -- instead of being a stereotypical Asian who studies all the time!

One day, I somehow discovered a secret entrance to the auditorium of the music college; the entrance is a gate that wasn't locked at night. I think it was our second or third “official date” where we snuck in through the secret entrance. I wasn’t ever really the heroic kind of a guy that does ridiculous things for a girl. I felt like I was Tristan Thorne from the movie Stardust who climbed over the forbidden wall to get the fallen star for his crush.

We were immature and damn proud of it; we did crazy things like running through the halls screaming, playing violently on many of the pianos and guitars in the practice halls, switched out a few professors’ music sheets, and we even made a mess of all the instruments and equipment in every unlocked room we could get into.

As it turned out suddenly, there was a faculty member working late at night. (Why? I do not know why anyone would work so late during a weekend in the college of music.) The guy stopped me in the halls and confiscated my student ID that I had on me after lecturing me on “integrity” and “morals”. My girlfriend then was somewhere else when I was caught and didn’t get into any trouble that night (Lucky her!).

The very next day, I was in the office with the director of the music college who gave me the choices of: calling the cops, expelling me and taking away my scholarship, and finally… working the cafeteria and the dorm rooms for a few months.

I obviously chose the latter!

But you know what??? I don’t regret doing what I did and I do not have the feeling like I should have gone back in time to stop myself. It was fun and it was definitely worth it. I kept my head high for two damn whole months as I washed every dish and brushed every toilet bowl.

Has anyone else had a heroic moment in a relationship?

Sunday, November 01, 2009

Sun, 01 Nov 2009 09:48:26 GMT

Hai2u!